It was another chilly weekend and I fired up the wood stove. I have a knack for creating a spectacular fire in the fireplace that keeps the whole house warm. I turned the wood stove insert blower on medium and set up my living room to be a cozy haven for the weekend. If tensions ran high, I could always cuddle up on the pull out bed that is in my sofa and sleep there, away from Josh and his roaming hands.
Josh had a sixth sense that told him whenever the thought of him touching me made me physically ill. He would push the envelope, whisper sweet nothings to me, hug me, hold me, kiss me and try to force himself on me. He would make promises to me that I knew he had no intention of keeping...he wanted a way to get to me so he could take advantage of me yet again. I was past the point of no return. Nothing he could say or do to me would make me change my mind. I saw the demon inside and realized that Josh had to go before I wound up dead. The most difficult part of the facade was pretending that I still loved him and believed him. I should have been an actress. I played the part well. He never knew how much I truly hated him - with every living, breathing fiber of my being. And my mind had been made up long ago. I would survive this and he might not, but I'd make damn sure he'd never touch me again.
The weekend progressed with only a few hiccups. I kept him busy outside chopping wood frequently, as I didn't trust myself with the axe while he was there with me. You know, accidents DO happen more often at home...and my emotions were teetering between fear, trepidation and then I would be seething with anger that I had to skillfully hide from his ever watchful eyes.
Sunday arrived and I dared breathe a small sigh of relief. I only had to make it through one more day with him in close quarters, scrutinizing me, eavesdropping on my phone conversations. I had to watch everything I did so as not to arouse suspicion. We decided to go to church, which is something we had started doing months before. During one of our "discussions" where he said he would do anything to make "it" up to me, I said I wanted to go back to church. I also figured I might be able to get us into some sort of counseling, naively thinking it might help him with his anger issues.
Unfortunately, he drug me to every kind of church known to man-kind except for the only one I wanted to attend. I was raised Roman Catholic, he was raised Heathen. He forced me to attend services (I can't even call them churches) where the parishoners had wild eyed looks, spoke in tongues, fainted, rolled around on the floor, appeared to convulse...everything except for sacrificing animals and small children. Well, they may have done that too, but it wasn't on the day we went.
There was this other service we attended (right down the street from my house) where the female Pastor or whatever you call her, kept hitting on Josh right in front of me! She had the gall to do this every single week we went, which made me extremely uncomfortable in too many ways to describe. Of course, Josh thought his fat, uneducated ass was hot as hell and reveled in the attention, so when I protested and balked at the fact that the preacher was acting like a sexed-up whore and I didn't want to go back there EVER again, he got upset. Yes I caught hell for even suggesting that he'd cheat on me with that dime-store floozie. It's the first time in my life that I ever wanted to pop a preacher right in the freakin' mouth! The bitch had balls to do that right in front of me!
Eventually we proceeded to another place of worship, although not the Catholic Church I was pining to attend. This next place was right down the street, within walking distance, and the religion was close to Catholic...or so he said. The church itself was beautiful and I immediately took a liking to the new pastor. I didn't trust the old one who was thankfully on his way out the door. I decided to keep my comments to myself, especially since the old pastor had most of the folks snowed and they thought the sun rose and set on him. If I only knew then what I know now about this guy...I would've told everyone the truth and what a bold-faced liar this pastor was/is.
The new pastor was fantastic. He had a way with storytelling and his sermons were quite inspiring. He made you feel loved when you entered the church and again when you left. To this day, when I happen to pass the pastor in town, the man still remembers my name. How, I have NO idea, but I do still think the world of him! Unfortunately, his parishoners had a tendency to be quite pushy, nosy and a little too curious about my personal life, my job and how much money I made. Some people have no class but I didn't want to hold that against the pastor. I enjoyed his sermons immensely and looked forward to seeing and hearing him every Sunday.
That's why on this particular Sunday I really wanted to attend services and hear some uplifting words from the pastor. Plus I figured if I was in a public place and I was safe for the time being. Josh always behaved like the perfect gentleman when we were at church. He had everyone fooled. Although I'm not entirely sure he had the Pastor fooled - maybe someday I will have to be brave and ask him.
After the sermon, we socialized a bit with the other parishoners. Josh always had to make sure he spoke to folks and toot his own horn about how wonderfully he treated me, how in love we were and how we were going to get married in the next few years. Then we went back to the house afterward to eat lunch and tentatively discuss the rest of the day, as the weather had warmed significantly.
To be continued...
Showing posts with label liars. Show all posts
Showing posts with label liars. Show all posts
Monday, November 9, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
My Psycho Stalker - Part 2
So...to recap from last time, Josh and I decided to move in together. Of course he moved in with me into my tiny mother-in-law type apartment. He lived two houses away from Laura and Gerald, but I didn't want to move into someone else's house "just in case". I've always been independent and that wasn't about to change now. Plus I didn't realize his ex-wife was still living there. Oh yea, this gets ugly.
I let him move in with me. We were invited to Laura and Gerald's for another dinner, which had become a tradition with the four of us. We would alternate houses for dinner about once every two weeks, schedules allowing. As usual, I bring dessert to the cookout and we are sitting in the backyard having a few drinks. Gerald was cooking on the grill, Laura was setting up the table in the backyard and I was sitting on Josh's lap enjoying being outdoors and relaxing. Suddenly this haggard looking, wrinkled up old bitch comes up to the fence between Laura and Gerald's property and the next door neighbor and starts yelling at me and Josh. I'm flabbergasted and have NO clue who this crazy woman is, nor why she is yelling obscenities at us.
Laura comes running out of the house just as I stand up and ask the old bitch what exactly her damn malfunction is and who the hell she thinks she is yelling at me like that when I have no clue who she is. It gets better, trust me! Laura is trying to drag me into the house quickly while Josh goes over to the fence and begins to argue with the old broad. As I'm walking/being drug up the back stairs to the house, I hear the old bitch call me a "f*cking c&nt". Really?! That's it, the bitch shall die tonight! I throw Laura off me, push Gerald out of the way and start running over to her to jump the fence and kick her sorry ass. NOBODY calls me that and gets away with it! Josh takes a few steps towards me trying to intercede, Gerald runs up behind me, grabs me and picks me up off the ground. Gerald then drags me into the house (my feet never touched the ground - he had me in the air) and tells Laura to keep me inside before I killed this crazy bitch and knocked the rest of her teeth out of her head.
I calmed down (for appearances only) and pretended to engage Laura in a meaningless conversation while I calmy and carefully took off all my jewelry, placed it on her coffee table in the living room, and took off my 4" stiletto heels. Well Laura thinks I'm calm enough for her to go into the kitchen and check the oven. I seize the moment and haul ass out the back door, fly down the stairs, hurling obscenities and threats at the old bitch...and am just about ready to vault over the fence when Gerald and Josh grab me, pick me up again (told you I was small) and drag me back into the house. They about handcuffed me to the post in the kitchen because I almost got away from Gerald again. I wasn't afraid of him and I used one of my "maneuvers" on him. I didn't hurt him. I stunned him. I was furious and wanted a f*cking explanation NOW.
Josh finished his shouting match with the old bitch and came into the house. I was furious and demanded he tell me who she was and what she was yelling at me for. He said "oh that's just my ex-wife who still lives two houses over. She saw us and wanted to know who I was and why I was with you. Then she yelled at me for a bunch of other shit", etc. WHAT?! You have an ex-wife? And she's more than 20 years older than you?! That ancient, raggly-ass, no toothed, shrieking, wrinkled-up old crazy bitch is your ex-wife?! Why did you not tell me this before? Then he tells me that their divorce is almost final. What the f*ck do you mean almost final? Oh hell no, I'm outta here. By this time, I've already gone past the point of being pissed off and I'm crying, which makes me even madder because I don't usually cry.
Laura and Gerald talk me into staying so we can all talk. Well, they ARE my best friends...ok, let's talk this out. And I'd better hear some damn good explanations or someone (Josh) is going to be looking for a new place to stay and a new girlfriend!
We talk for most of the night. I calm down after hearing why the divorce was delayed (her fault, of course...so he says) and after being reassured numerous times that he loves ME and he wants to be with me. Of course Gerald is laughing his ass off at how agile I am and how I almost got away from him. He said he was also shocked when I almost outmaneuvered him and almost got away. He and Laura were pretty impressed with my strength and agility...cat-like reflexes. Surprise! Don't underestimate me.
After dinner, we had a drink, watched a movie and Josh and I went home. I was assured that scene would not happen again because the old bitch was supposed to have moved already, and would definitely be moving shortly out of the neighborhood. She was supposed to move to Arizona to be with her daughter.
At my apartment, Josh is being just as nice as pie to me. He's being the perfect gentleman, going the whole 9 yards so to speak. It's late, so we go to bed without any further discussion. The next day, his true colors start to show. Little did I know what I had gotten myself into.
To be continued...
I let him move in with me. We were invited to Laura and Gerald's for another dinner, which had become a tradition with the four of us. We would alternate houses for dinner about once every two weeks, schedules allowing. As usual, I bring dessert to the cookout and we are sitting in the backyard having a few drinks. Gerald was cooking on the grill, Laura was setting up the table in the backyard and I was sitting on Josh's lap enjoying being outdoors and relaxing. Suddenly this haggard looking, wrinkled up old bitch comes up to the fence between Laura and Gerald's property and the next door neighbor and starts yelling at me and Josh. I'm flabbergasted and have NO clue who this crazy woman is, nor why she is yelling obscenities at us.
Laura comes running out of the house just as I stand up and ask the old bitch what exactly her damn malfunction is and who the hell she thinks she is yelling at me like that when I have no clue who she is. It gets better, trust me! Laura is trying to drag me into the house quickly while Josh goes over to the fence and begins to argue with the old broad. As I'm walking/being drug up the back stairs to the house, I hear the old bitch call me a "f*cking c&nt". Really?! That's it, the bitch shall die tonight! I throw Laura off me, push Gerald out of the way and start running over to her to jump the fence and kick her sorry ass. NOBODY calls me that and gets away with it! Josh takes a few steps towards me trying to intercede, Gerald runs up behind me, grabs me and picks me up off the ground. Gerald then drags me into the house (my feet never touched the ground - he had me in the air) and tells Laura to keep me inside before I killed this crazy bitch and knocked the rest of her teeth out of her head.
I calmed down (for appearances only) and pretended to engage Laura in a meaningless conversation while I calmy and carefully took off all my jewelry, placed it on her coffee table in the living room, and took off my 4" stiletto heels. Well Laura thinks I'm calm enough for her to go into the kitchen and check the oven. I seize the moment and haul ass out the back door, fly down the stairs, hurling obscenities and threats at the old bitch...and am just about ready to vault over the fence when Gerald and Josh grab me, pick me up again (told you I was small) and drag me back into the house. They about handcuffed me to the post in the kitchen because I almost got away from Gerald again. I wasn't afraid of him and I used one of my "maneuvers" on him. I didn't hurt him. I stunned him. I was furious and wanted a f*cking explanation NOW.
Josh finished his shouting match with the old bitch and came into the house. I was furious and demanded he tell me who she was and what she was yelling at me for. He said "oh that's just my ex-wife who still lives two houses over. She saw us and wanted to know who I was and why I was with you. Then she yelled at me for a bunch of other shit", etc. WHAT?! You have an ex-wife? And she's more than 20 years older than you?! That ancient, raggly-ass, no toothed, shrieking, wrinkled-up old crazy bitch is your ex-wife?! Why did you not tell me this before? Then he tells me that their divorce is almost final. What the f*ck do you mean almost final? Oh hell no, I'm outta here. By this time, I've already gone past the point of being pissed off and I'm crying, which makes me even madder because I don't usually cry.
Laura and Gerald talk me into staying so we can all talk. Well, they ARE my best friends...ok, let's talk this out. And I'd better hear some damn good explanations or someone (Josh) is going to be looking for a new place to stay and a new girlfriend!
We talk for most of the night. I calm down after hearing why the divorce was delayed (her fault, of course...so he says) and after being reassured numerous times that he loves ME and he wants to be with me. Of course Gerald is laughing his ass off at how agile I am and how I almost got away from him. He said he was also shocked when I almost outmaneuvered him and almost got away. He and Laura were pretty impressed with my strength and agility...cat-like reflexes. Surprise! Don't underestimate me.
After dinner, we had a drink, watched a movie and Josh and I went home. I was assured that scene would not happen again because the old bitch was supposed to have moved already, and would definitely be moving shortly out of the neighborhood. She was supposed to move to Arizona to be with her daughter.
At my apartment, Josh is being just as nice as pie to me. He's being the perfect gentleman, going the whole 9 yards so to speak. It's late, so we go to bed without any further discussion. The next day, his true colors start to show. Little did I know what I had gotten myself into.
To be continued...
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Seriously...Who Would've Thought?
I'm one of those folks people love to hate. My whole entire life has been planned out since I was about 5 years old...by me. I knew what I wanted to do, where I was going to go to school, how I was going to be happy, who I was going to marry, the whole kit-n-kaboodle. Well the marriage part was an option - the owning of many animals a non-negotiable factor. The odd part is now that I'm almost 40, yes go ahead and laugh - if you're not there you will be soon enough and you'll know what I mean, I have no clue as to what I want to do for a career.
Unemployment came as a mild shock in June of 2009. I had a feeling it was coming. Don't get me wrong - I was complimented almost daily on the job I did, but one or two of the "higher-ups" didn't like my personality. Oh and I didn't drive a new car, or have kids, or wear expensive jewelry, or go to the best parties or have the biggest house in the most expensive subdivision. You get the picture. I live in a small house that I made into a home, drive a well kept but older pickup truck, wear regular clothes (and hate shopping), volunteer my time for my community and am just down to earth.
I'm not sorry I lost my job either. I was "let go" and was told that my position was being eliminated. Which come to find out, it most certainly was not. They lied to me and to the other employees. But I decided to let it go since it's just not worth my time. I do not put up fronts or pretend I'm rich or try to fit in...I am ME. It's the way I was raised. I have a low tolerance for those who are "pretenders", liars, deceivers and all out fakes. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
The funny thing is here I am, contemplating the rest of my life in this topsy-turvy world, in a recession with a bad outlook for the job market. As I look back on my resume, I realize I have done a whole lot with my life and have many experiences with various companies. What I am doing is weeding through all that and trying to figure out when I was happiest. Yes - happiest, not the wealthiest.
I'm at the point in my life that I'm sick and tired of working with/for people who have the "what's in it for me" attitude. It's time for ME to be happy. Hell I never said I wanted to be rich, even when I was 5 years old and planning out my life. My main concern was being happy and being nice to those who needed help. All that without being a doormat (as my wonderful Dad used to always tell me).
Who would've thought that I would be at a crossroads right now and would need to take time for self-reflection, introspection, family and faith? I got quite a wake up call and I am glad. I've worked like a dog my whole life, usually 2 jobs at once and going to school, and what has it done to me? I realized that my Mom and Grandma were right. If I don't slow down soon, I'm going to miss life. Guess what? I have missed a hell of a lot. And for that, I am truly sorry.
The time is now. I am searching for work that makes me happy and will pay what few bills I have, not make me rich. I want to and need to spend time with my family before life goes by any faster. All of my grandparents are deceased (all 6 of them), I have no siblings, and my wonderful parents are not in the best health. Life's too short to be making everyone else happy and putting my needs aside as I've always done. I'm taking life one day at a time and I'm going to finally live!
I'd like to ask you out there - when is the last time you took stock of your life and realized it's not all about the money - or pleasing everyone else? Live life, be healthy, happy and treasure your family and friends. They will be gone sooner than you expect.
Unemployment came as a mild shock in June of 2009. I had a feeling it was coming. Don't get me wrong - I was complimented almost daily on the job I did, but one or two of the "higher-ups" didn't like my personality. Oh and I didn't drive a new car, or have kids, or wear expensive jewelry, or go to the best parties or have the biggest house in the most expensive subdivision. You get the picture. I live in a small house that I made into a home, drive a well kept but older pickup truck, wear regular clothes (and hate shopping), volunteer my time for my community and am just down to earth.
I'm not sorry I lost my job either. I was "let go" and was told that my position was being eliminated. Which come to find out, it most certainly was not. They lied to me and to the other employees. But I decided to let it go since it's just not worth my time. I do not put up fronts or pretend I'm rich or try to fit in...I am ME. It's the way I was raised. I have a low tolerance for those who are "pretenders", liars, deceivers and all out fakes. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
The funny thing is here I am, contemplating the rest of my life in this topsy-turvy world, in a recession with a bad outlook for the job market. As I look back on my resume, I realize I have done a whole lot with my life and have many experiences with various companies. What I am doing is weeding through all that and trying to figure out when I was happiest. Yes - happiest, not the wealthiest.
I'm at the point in my life that I'm sick and tired of working with/for people who have the "what's in it for me" attitude. It's time for ME to be happy. Hell I never said I wanted to be rich, even when I was 5 years old and planning out my life. My main concern was being happy and being nice to those who needed help. All that without being a doormat (as my wonderful Dad used to always tell me).
Who would've thought that I would be at a crossroads right now and would need to take time for self-reflection, introspection, family and faith? I got quite a wake up call and I am glad. I've worked like a dog my whole life, usually 2 jobs at once and going to school, and what has it done to me? I realized that my Mom and Grandma were right. If I don't slow down soon, I'm going to miss life. Guess what? I have missed a hell of a lot. And for that, I am truly sorry.
The time is now. I am searching for work that makes me happy and will pay what few bills I have, not make me rich. I want to and need to spend time with my family before life goes by any faster. All of my grandparents are deceased (all 6 of them), I have no siblings, and my wonderful parents are not in the best health. Life's too short to be making everyone else happy and putting my needs aside as I've always done. I'm taking life one day at a time and I'm going to finally live!
I'd like to ask you out there - when is the last time you took stock of your life and realized it's not all about the money - or pleasing everyone else? Live life, be healthy, happy and treasure your family and friends. They will be gone sooner than you expect.
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