Monday, May 3, 2010

Psycho Stalker Part 16 - The Lie

My doctor was still staring at me, waiting for an answer. I told him that Josh and I were play-wrestling in the living room and I got up on the couch and fell off backward. Yea that sounds plausible, doesn't it? Oh no...the big sigh and the look on his face is telling me that he isn't buying my load of shit. I have to stick to this story and make him believe me, as much as it pains me to have to lie to my doctor. Doc cannot know the truth or else I'm as good as dead. Can't have cops being nosy and screwing things up. I can't go to the hospital without creating suspicion.

Sure enough, Doc looks at me and says "yea right, do you want to try me again?" So I repeated the story again, hoping against hope that he would believe me. He moved toward the door, closed it and looked me straight in the eye and said "don't bullshit me. We've known each other too long and I know damn well this could not have happened from you falling off a couch. Did that son-of-a-bitch strangle you? You have marks all around your neck, face, shoulders, arms, torso and back."

No amount of lying is going to get me out of this one. I know that now. Everyone can see that Josh beats me. I'm the fool for believing that nobody knows. What the hell is wrong with me? I swore I'd never be with a man who raised his hands to me and now I'm in a fight for my life.

As the white hot tears pour out of my eyes uncontrollably, my head throbs with searing bursts of pain as does my neck. I can't stop crying now that the realization has hit home that I really fucked up by staying with this coward who chooses to beat me whenever he gets pissed off. I am having trouble forming sentences right now. I can't seem to speak and it is so difficult for me to breathe. My chest is heaving like I've just run the New York Marathon and I can't catch my breath. The pain is blinding me and yet I cannot stop crying. I know my Doc knows I am lying and I am mortified. I trust this man with my life, yet I cannot tell him what really happened because he will do what he has to do.

Doc called Ann back into the room because I'm getting hysterical. She holds me while I cry. Ann stays with me to make sure I don't faint or fall off the examining table. My doc tells me he is stepping out for a minute and whispers something to Ann that I can't hear.

He comes back into the room once I've calmed down a bit. He has my x-rays and the results of my numerous examinations that he has performed this morning. It's not good. I just know it. He has a very pained expression on his face and he is not attempting to use humor at this point. He sits me down and tells me what he has found.

Doc asks me if I want the good news first or the bad. I opt for the former, hoping it will cheer me up. He proceeds to tell me that the good news is...I'm still alive, but barely, after my beating. The bad news is...I have major injuries that are quite possibly life threatening and he wants to call an ambulance to have me transported ASAP to the hospital. I can see his lips moving, but I can't seem to hear him anymore. I can glean certain pieces of information such as brain stem injury, motor function coordination, breathing, heart might stop, seizures...

I feel as if I am in a tunnel. My ears don't want to work, the room is closing in around me, faces and objects are spinning and twirling before my very eyes. I'm in tremendous amounts of pain and nauseated. I'm so scared right now. I know I need to go to the hospital, but I can't. Nobody can know what happened to me. I know if my doc makes me go to the hospital, they will ask me tons of questions, probably put the pieces together, then have to call the police to report the domestic violence, then someone will contact Josh to question him and then he will know I told!

My doc needs to be convinced that I will be ok if he lets me go home. Nobody can know about this. I'll have to take my chances and just go home and hope and pray that I don't die because I'm not allowed to be admitted to the hospital.

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