Monday, November 9, 2009

MPS-Part 10 Crazy Churches

It was another chilly weekend and I fired up the wood stove. I have a knack for creating a spectacular fire in the fireplace that keeps the whole house warm. I turned the wood stove insert blower on medium and set up my living room to be a cozy haven for the weekend. If tensions ran high, I could always cuddle up on the pull out bed that is in my sofa and sleep there, away from Josh and his roaming hands.

Josh had a sixth sense that told him whenever the thought of him touching me made me physically ill. He would push the envelope, whisper sweet nothings to me, hug me, hold me, kiss me and try to force himself on me. He would make promises to me that I knew he had no intention of keeping...he wanted a way to get to me so he could take advantage of me yet again. I was past the point of no return. Nothing he could say or do to me would make me change my mind. I saw the demon inside and realized that Josh had to go before I wound up dead. The most difficult part of the facade was pretending that I still loved him and believed him. I should have been an actress. I played the part well. He never knew how much I truly hated him - with every living, breathing fiber of my being. And my mind had been made up long ago. I would survive this and he might not, but I'd make damn sure he'd never touch me again.

The weekend progressed with only a few hiccups. I kept him busy outside chopping wood frequently, as I didn't trust myself with the axe while he was there with me. You know, accidents DO happen more often at home...and my emotions were teetering between fear, trepidation and then I would be seething with anger that I had to skillfully hide from his ever watchful eyes.

Sunday arrived and I dared breathe a small sigh of relief. I only had to make it through one more day with him in close quarters, scrutinizing me, eavesdropping on my phone conversations. I had to watch everything I did so as not to arouse suspicion. We decided to go to church, which is something we had started doing months before. During one of our "discussions" where he said he would do anything to make "it" up to me, I said I wanted to go back to church. I also figured I might be able to get us into some sort of counseling, naively thinking it might help him with his anger issues.

Unfortunately, he drug me to every kind of church known to man-kind except for the only one I wanted to attend. I was raised Roman Catholic, he was raised Heathen. He forced me to attend services (I can't even call them churches) where the parishoners had wild eyed looks, spoke in tongues, fainted, rolled around on the floor, appeared to convulse...everything except for sacrificing animals and small children. Well, they may have done that too, but it wasn't on the day we went.

There was this other service we attended (right down the street from my house) where the female Pastor or whatever you call her, kept hitting on Josh right in front of me! She had the gall to do this every single week we went, which made me extremely uncomfortable in too many ways to describe. Of course, Josh thought his fat, uneducated ass was hot as hell and reveled in the attention, so when I protested and balked at the fact that the preacher was acting like a sexed-up whore and I didn't want to go back there EVER again, he got upset. Yes I caught hell for even suggesting that he'd cheat on me with that dime-store floozie. It's the first time in my life that I ever wanted to pop a preacher right in the freakin' mouth! The bitch had balls to do that right in front of me!

Eventually we proceeded to another place of worship, although not the Catholic Church I was pining to attend. This next place was right down the street, within walking distance, and the religion was close to Catholic...or so he said. The church itself was beautiful and I immediately took a liking to the new pastor. I didn't trust the old one who was thankfully on his way out the door. I decided to keep my comments to myself, especially since the old pastor had most of the folks snowed and they thought the sun rose and set on him. If I only knew then what I know now about this guy...I would've told everyone the truth and what a bold-faced liar this pastor was/is.

The new pastor was fantastic. He had a way with storytelling and his sermons were quite inspiring. He made you feel loved when you entered the church and again when you left. To this day, when I happen to pass the pastor in town, the man still remembers my name. How, I have NO idea, but I do still think the world of him! Unfortunately, his parishoners had a tendency to be quite pushy, nosy and a little too curious about my personal life, my job and how much money I made. Some people have no class but I didn't want to hold that against the pastor. I enjoyed his sermons immensely and looked forward to seeing and hearing him every Sunday.

That's why on this particular Sunday I really wanted to attend services and hear some uplifting words from the pastor. Plus I figured if I was in a public place and I was safe for the time being. Josh always behaved like the perfect gentleman when we were at church. He had everyone fooled. Although I'm not entirely sure he had the Pastor fooled - maybe someday I will have to be brave and ask him.

After the sermon, we socialized a bit with the other parishoners. Josh always had to make sure he spoke to folks and toot his own horn about how wonderfully he treated me, how in love we were and how we were going to get married in the next few years. Then we went back to the house afterward to eat lunch and tentatively discuss the rest of the day, as the weather had warmed significantly.

To be continued...

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