Monday, September 28, 2009

Parents, Step-Parents and Children

I was once married to a man who had a vindictive ex-wife. They had 2 children. I won't get into specifics here, but my point is that when families mesh, it is completely inappropriate for the ex-wife to put the kids in the middle of the divorce and play them against their non-custodial father.

We had visitation with the kids every other weekend. When the ex decided that it was ok with her schedule. There were many times we'd drive the hour to her house and she'd say "nope, can't have them. I have other plans." It was always a big drama scene having to deal with the ex-wife. She told the kids that they did NOT have to respect me, even though I was supporting their dad and they were staying at my house, eating my food and terrorizing my animals. Yes, and she even admitted that to me one day when we had a blowout over the phone. When we had the kids, she made it a point to call at least 3 times a day just to be a pain in the ass. Oh and she'd instruct them to misbehave, disrespect me and look through my stuff and call her back with information. Nosy bitch - I still hate her even after all these years. She caused trouble whenever she could. The bullshit finally broke up my marriage. I couldn't take any more.

Long story short, it made for a horrible marriage and it put the poor kids in the middle. And it also put me in a bind because I had to deal with the disrespect in MY house. Thankfully one of the kids was nice to me (the son). The daughter was another story. She was just like her mother and snooped through my house (as she was instructed by the mother), went through personal items in my bedroom, bathroom, office and looked through my bills. I know because I caught her numerous times. Of course the father would not discipline her because he was afraid of his ex-wife and of her withholding visitation. He had no backbone when it came to the ex. I finally put my foot down and said no more. I was not going to be treated like that in my home. I did not dislike the child, I disliked the behavior - let me make that clear!

People, please do not make this same mistake. I beg of you, do not put the children in the middle of a divorce, new marriage, whatever the situation may be. It's not fair to the kids, nor the new step-parent. Also, ex-husbands...have the balls to stand up to your ex-wife instead of being a door-mat and making your new wife deal with the drama and bullshit. It's totally unacceptable!

Needless to say, I divorced him. It took seven (7) long years, but I finally got the money to divorce him. The son-of-a-bitch had me pay for his first divorce, his ex-wife's car, his outstanding the total of over $50,000. He said he'd pay me back and the mother-f**ker never paid me a penny. The majority of our problems were because of his ex-wife meddling, the fact that he lived off me, stuck me with HIS and his ex-wife's bills, cheated on me, well I won't go on. I'll continue this in another blog.

As you can tell, I still have a lot of pent up anger regarding this. There is so much more and I will continue this in another blog. I need to get my blood pressure down to a respectable level right now and stop writing this. I can feel my face getting hot, my heart is pounding out of my chest and I'm mad as hell right now! I was such a sucker for so long. Yes I blame ME - it's called Personal Accountability. More people ought to practice it. He screwed me over, but I let him. I was stupid, trusting, thought that the marriage vows actually meant something. I was a f*cking fool! And now I'm broke...trying to dig myself out of this hole and it's years later.

Where is he, you ask? He moved away, got remarried - to a FAT chick that looks like me, but with an extra 75 pounds. That's just messed up on so many levels. Good luck with him Honey! He loves to live off women, gamble (which he hides well), buy stuff for himself, rack up bills and then run like hell. Watch out! He will probably cheat on you too - but he doesn't go far. Keep an eye on your male friends' girlfriends. I've been there and I'm speaking from experience.

To be continued.......hey if you have thoughts or suggestions, please put them on here. I'd love to read them. I'd feel better knowing I'm not the only sucker out there!

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