Wednesday, October 7, 2009

My Psycho Stalker - Part 4

Like I said earlier...Josh's true colors were beginning to show. I had a great job with a local attorney and we were very close. Before I met Josh, my boss knew I lived alone, had no family in the state and pretty much kept to myself. He and his wife used to invite me over for dinner, picnics, holiday get-togethers, etc. with their two kids who were about ten years younger than me. We were all close and I was pretty much adopted by them. It was great.

About a month or so after moving into the new house, one evening Josh and I got into another one of our arguments. They were occuring more frequently than not. It seemed every little thing pissed him off, like me talking to what few friends I had, if I was a few minutes late coming home from work, if I left for work early, what I was doing at work, who I was talking to, etc. He was paranoid and obsessed.

This fight turned physical. His temper flared quickly - much more so than mine. After the argument escalated into a screaming match (because I don't like people getting in my face no matter how big they are), he shoved me into my desk, hard. After bouncing off the desk, I steadied myself and stood back up. Then he got really pissed off and hit me in the face. I was dazed and having flashbacks of my biological father (another piece of shit in my life) beating me and always hitting me in the head/face. If there was one lesson I learned as a small child, it was to shut the hell up when someone is beating the shit out of you and they have the upper hand, so to speak. Josh was blocking my escape from the room and had me cornered behind my desk. I stood there and tried my damndest not to cry, to no avail.

He suddenly became sorry and rushed over to hug me and tried to take a look at my face to see what damage he'd done. I didn't want the son-of-a-bitch touching me, so I turned away and tried to walk away. In hindsight, that was NOT a good move on my part. He grabbed my arm hard and made me face him so he could look at me. I think at this time he was trying to cover his ass because he knew I'd have marks on my face, arms, back and legs. Sure enough, I was going to have a beautiful black eye and swollen nose.

After the commotion and emotions calmed down, we sat in the living room and I barely said a word. I was afraid he'd go off the deep end again and attack me. We'd been together a few months now and I was slowly learning that he HAD to control me completely or else he'd freak out and accuse me of all kinds of weird shit. Of course, as we went to bed, he wanted to have sex. Oh gross...just what I want...the fat, f*cking asshole who beat me up touching me. Ok, I'd been through this brain disassociated itself from my body and went someplace else until he was done (which didn't take long).

The next day at work, my very observant boss (did I tell you he was an attorney?) noticed that I was avoiding him and the other girl in the office. This was a small office and there were only four of us working there - me, my boss, the other girl and one other attorney. My boss finally cornered me and took one look at my face and yelled "what the hell happened to you?". Of course the other girl comes running and says "ah ha, I knew it. He hit you, didn't he?". Out of fear, I played the whole thing down and said I ran into a door...again. After about a half hour of my denying that Josh hit me, my boss took me in his office and told me "if I find out he put his hands on you...I'll kill him". WHOA, this out of my timid, respectable boss!

My boss and I had a long talk that day. There were tears shed by both parties and he warned me - if I ever got pregnant by this monster (Josh), he would be the first one to take me to a clinic for an abortion. There was NO way in hell he was going to allow me to have this monster's child if by chance I became pregnant. You see, I'd told him that I found out that Josh was messing with my birth control pills and I had to carry them with me 24/7 so he couldn't get to them. I was a nervous wreck.

To be continued...

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