Thursday, October 1, 2009

My Screwed Up Life - Part 3

This will be my last posting on this subject for awhile. I don't want to depress or shock anyone - although I've been told by a few friends that I could've knocked them over with a feather after they read these.

If the support system is strong for the abused person, there is a very good chance that they will recover and be able to function normally. It doesn't matter if it's a close friend, family member, religious figure, teacher or psychiatrist - just so long as there is someone to listen and provide emotional support.

Truth be told, some family members will flat out deny that there was any abuse because they think there is a stigma attached and they don't want to be part of it. I know this from experience. Some of my family members think I lied about what happened. If they only knew the whole story...but I don't think they are mature enough or strong enough to handle it. Let them think what they want. I know the truth and so does my Mom. Sometimes you have to say "F*ck you, you weren't there, you don't know what happened and I don't care what you think" and move on with your life.

It sucks when your own family (some members, not all) deny the whole thing and then disown you! Yes...there are a few members of my family that to this day will NOT speak to me. You know what I think? F*ck them! They didn't take me to raise, I'm free and over 21. I've been on my own since I was 16 and don't need their approval for anything. I just thank God that my Mother knows I've told the truth - and I haven't told her everything either. I don't think she needs to know everything. She's got enough on her plate and I don't want to upset her. I love her too much.

It's all about survival. You have to muster up enough intestinal fortitude to decide to deal with the trauma, get help and rebuild your life. Abuse takes a hefty toll on the human body and mind. You have to be brave enough to reach out to someone, trust them (I know it's not easy to trust), confide in them and take it one step at a time. Recovery won't happen overnight.

I still have issues and I don't deny that. I have a very difficult time trusting people, I still have the nightmares, am controlling (that's how I cope), have OCD and I'm paranoid. At least I'm not a serial killer! I function like any other human being and on the outside, I'm just like you. On the's a different story, but I deal with it in a constructive manner.

I am very thankful for the few close friends that I do have and that have stuck with me over the years. They accept me even with the eccentric behavior and strange habits I have. Thank God I have them in my life. And I can't forget my Mother. She's been such a blessing - words can't describe how grateful I am to her. My step-father, whom I'm proud to call Dad, has been a blessing as well. Nobody knows he's my step-father and I don't allude to it - hell, we even look alike!

Maybe tomorrow I'll write about my long time stalker...maybe. If there are any topics you'd like me to write about, let me know. Also, you can click on the widget to follow my blog. I would really appreciate it. It means a lot knowing that people care enough to read my life story. Thank you.

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